


selfish wishes

by WattStalf



Series: Commissions [240]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Pillow Talk, commission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27492574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: Being the way he is, Jeralt worries that he is being selfish. He worries that he never should have fallen for her to begin with, let alone married her. But when it comes to starting a family...
Relationships: Jeralt Reus Eisner/Sitri Eisner | Byleth's Mother
Series: Commissions [240]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1325462
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	selfish wishes

With a low groan, Jeralt rolls off of her, so that he can lay next to her. Sitri is still panting, her face flushed, and he still prides himself in being the only one who can get her to flush like that. She really is beautiful, and even more so when she is beneath him, whimpering only for him, the two of them lost in a world that belongs only to them.

Once he is laying next to her, he grabs hold of her so that he can pull her closer to his body, not wanting any distance between them, not even for a second. The two of them have only recently been married, and even now, he is completely amazed by how quickly he fell for her, by how quickly she managed to make herself the most important person in his life. He and Sitri should be an odd couple; he should not be married to anyone at all, and yet here he is, breaking personal rules that he never thought would be broken.

She knows about the complications that come along with being married to him, but that was never enough to deter her, never enough to stop her from taking more than just an interest in him. For someone like Sitri, who is used to keeping people at an arm’s length, it was rather unusual for her to be this fascinated with someone either, but once she had fallen for him, she was not going to let anything stand in the way, not even his strange circumstances that he felt made him…less than the ideal husband.

Now that they are laying together, he once again wonders how he ever thought he had any chance of living without her. He tried to convince himself plenty of times that their relationship would never go anywhere, and yet, now that they are married and now that he has her at his side, he can’t imagine that outcome at all. He can’t imagine ever being so stupid as to believe that Sitri was someone he could ever get over. Really, he is lucky that she wants him at all, and he is lucky that he has the chance to be here with her.

It was never up to him, the outcome of their relationship.

But now that they are laying together, with sweat still clinging to them, there is that unspoken conversation that hangs in the air between the two of them, that always does, after any moment of intimacy. Talking about marriage was a difficult enough topic for him, and though they were able to make it to that point, neither of them pushed the issue any further beyond that, and they still have not. It hangs in the air between them every time, and neither of them bring it up or discuss what they want from this, but neither of them do anything to avoid what is steadily becoming inevitable.

“I’ve always been frail,” Sitri finally says, deciding to speak up. He knows that, when she starts a conversation, that it must be something important, and that he definitely needs to listen. And he also knows that this is probably that same unspoken conversation that he had just been thinking about, that Sitri is going to be the one to bring it up, so that they can no longer avoid it. “I’m not even sure if I can have children, but…”

“I knew this was coming eventually,” he says, more to fill the silence as she trails off than to actually contribute anything. He has all of his reasons prepared for why they should not even consider something like that, and yet none of them explain why he has not bothered being careful with her this whole time. Jeralt honestly does not have any explanation for that, if he really means what he says.

“If I’m able to carry a child, there may still be complications,” she finally continues, “but I don’t think that’s enough of a reason for me to hold back. I would rather choose to be optimistic in those matters, and take things as they come. So, for now, let’s leave that part of the discussion out.”

Ah, so she’s just setting the stage for him to explain his own reasons for hesitating. Her health is one of the factors that he has considered, for the two of them not starting a family together, but if she wants to ignore that for the time being, then it is no longer any of his business.

Now, the only reasons that he has are the same reasons he tried to use to avoid a relationship, to avoid a marriage. Reasons that she has heard already, and reasons that she knows can be broken down. She knows that well enough because she is wearing his ring right now, clinging to him naked, and if that is the case, then he has no idea how long he will be able to keep convincing himself that this is not something that he wants or needs. When it comes to Sitri, he finds himself changing his mind about things that he once thought were certain, and rather easily, at that.

“You know that things are always more complicated than they appear with me,” is how he chooses to start things off. “I’m not sure if this is even a discussion that we should be having.”

“You never pull out,” she points out rather bluntly, her voice so level that he almost misses the fact that she is trying to tease him.

“I…well, that _is_ true,” he admits, “but I also have a bad habit of getting caught up in the moment with you. When I actually have a chance to think things over…”

“You don’t like the idea at all?” she asks, and he feels like she has cut straight through to the heart of the matter, the part that he is trying to avoid commenting on in general, because it reveals too much. How is he supposed to express what he wants, while also keeping things realistic, and doing his best not to let himself get carried away by selfishness?

There really is no proper solution to that, and he knows that he already sealed his fate by letting Sitri win him over. Or perhaps his fate was sealed by meeting her in the first place. Either way, he has no way to answer her question, sighing before deflecting a bit. “Things are complicated with me. You know that. You know how hard it is for me to open up to anyone, when I know that I’m going to have to…”

He is going to have to watch them age and die without him. Rhea saved his life, but sometimes he wonders if he might not have been better off dying then. He always tries to be grateful for the second chance at life that he got, but at the same time, it has never seemed much like a life, when he knows that he can never have the bonds that others do. Except he let himself have that bond with Sitri, despite the risks. Now, is he really going to continue down that selfish path, being the way that he is?

“I’m going to be alone without you,” she says, which almost feels like a dagger to the heart.

“See, this is exactly why I didn’t want you to fall for me,” he groans. “I shouldn’t have let it go this far.”

“What, do you think you could have turned off your charm for that long?” she asks, and her tone is so level that it takes him a moment to figure out that what she is saying is meant to be humorous.

“I’m really rubbing off on you if you’re joking with me right now,” he teases her, but it does do a good job of lightening the mood. “Maybe you’re right about that, I was just too charming for you to resist. But that means you were more than I could handle as well. We were both doomed from the start.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, though,” she says, finally bringing the conversation back around to where they were in the first place.

“Then what did you mean?”

“I’m alone without you, so isn’t that a better reason to have a family?” she asks. She certainly has a point there, and that is not something that he had considered. He really is a lot more selfish than he realized, and though he has tried his best to think about how these things effect her, he has never actually taken the time to think about it from her perspective.

“Sitri…” Jeralt understands now that she is serious about this. About having more of a family with him, not just their marriage. He has always known that she is serious about that, because he doubts that someone like her would dive into something like that without being serious. But now he understands that this is something that she wants, something that she is willing to open up to him about, trying her best to get him to see things from her point of view.

And he is so selfish for not realizing that before. Perhaps more selfish for that than for the other thing on his mind, the thing that he does not want to admit to, but that he is sure that she already knows. She probably would not be pushing this much if she did not already know what was going through his mind.

Jeralt wants a family with her. He wants to continue experiencing the things that he thought a man like him would always be denied. Falling in love with Sitri was just the beginning, and no matter how selfish he may be for wanting it, he wants to keep going with that, wants to do it all with her. He wants to watch her carry his child, wants to watch that child grow, and wants to do it all at her side. Even if it means watching them both grow and change together, while he remains frozen in time, he wants to be able to do it.

Even if he has to watch them both die, and even if they have to deal with all of the complications that come with being in his family.

“I love you, more than anything in this world. Nothing would make me happier than having a family with you,” he finally says, and she looks at him expectantly, as if waiting for the _but._ Ordinarily, there would be one. Ordinarily, he would not let things go this far, but he is already in too deep, and there is no pulling him back from that. “If it’s what you want, and if I want it too, then I suppose there’s no real reason to hold back anymore. I’m sorry for only focusing on the negatives.”

The way her face lights up, the way that she smiles only for him, the way that she shows him an expression that he knows no one else has ever gotten to see…that only is enough to make this worth it. But then, he thinks about it, and he realizes that now, he is not going to be the only one to get to see this side of his wife. Eventually, their child will get to as well, because there is no doubt in his mind that she will share that smile with them as well.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in my writing updates, please follow my fanfiction twitter @WattStalf


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